ABVD vs. Pregnancy

OK, so here’s another attempt at humor. Actually, I think it’s funny how similar they really are. Think of how much more sensitive I will be to the burdens of pregnancy! In case you’re joining our program already in progress, ABVD is the name of the chemotherapy regimen I’m taking. If you have any suggestions, or want to tell me how far off I am (since I’ve never been pregnant, but seen it on TV), send me an email.

ABVD	Pregnancy
Nausea	Nausea
Dizziness	Dizziness
Constipation	Constipation
28 day cycle	LACK OF 28 day cycle
May result in infertility for men	May result in man’s n*ts being cut off
Requires many tests	Requires many tests
May take several hours	May take several hours
All day sickness	Morning sickness
Luckily, you forget the pain by the time the next one comes around	Luckily, you forget the pain by the time the next one comes around
Requires many pricks and pokes	The result of too many pricks and pokes
Stretch Marks	Stretch Marks
A life altering experience	A life altering experience

Hodgkins Isle

Here’s something I posted to the Hodgkins mailing list one night. The subject of the email was “Like drips through the IV, so are the Days of Our Lives”

Here on Hodgkins Island
(sung to the tune of the theme song of Gilligan’s Island)

Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a chemo drip
That started with a bumpy node
And caused us to be sick…

The beast was an ugly cancer thing
The tests showed they were sure
Six cycles of the chemo brew
Some rads to be sure…

The tiny veins were getting small
The cookies had been tossed
If not for the courage of the Hodgkins crew
The battle would be lost…
The battle would be lost…

The drip was set to give the meds in the usual medical style
With Adria
And Stanford V
Dacarbazine
And Kytril
Some Prednisone
The biopsy and neup-o-gen
Here on Hodgkins Isle

You know you’re a Hodgkins patient if

Here’s something I posted to the Hodgkins Disease mailing list. You probably have to be associated with the list to get some of these, but I hope enjoy it anyway.

You know you’re a Hodgkins patient if:

* you know ALL the synonyms for your chemo drugs (Adriamycin, Doxorubicin, Bleomycin, Blenoxane)
* you think “firehose veins” is a cool nickname
* you know the difference between Reid Steinberg, Reed Sternberg, Red Steinman cells
* you know what HD NS IIB Dx 2/99 6/6 ABVD 3400 rads means
* you think “The Mask” isn’t some Jim Carrey movie
* you look back and think of how “easy” that biopsy surgery was
* you order Redi-Cat at bars
* know that radiation being “easier” than chemo is like saying losing your left little toe is easier than losing your right little toe
* laugh at people who tell you how tired they are because they stayed up to watch Leno
* get excited when you have 50 messages from hodgkins@solar.org
* think the person who describes the side effects of Neupogen as “mild to moderate bone pain” should be injected for a few weeks and re-evaluate his statement
* have a red “sharps” container in your bathroom
* have mood swings based on how low your white blood count is
* you don’t think any cancer is “the good cancer”
* you don’t think anything less than 3 days is really constipation
* you’ve been dissappointed by NOT having chemo
* know that chemo hair loss doesn’t stop at the head
* know that you can never thank your caregivers enough
* are no longer able to eat certain foods because you ate them during chemo
* have a least favorite chemo drug (Adria – the red death)
* know that “chemo brain” should be a documented medical condition
* you can get nauseaus just by walking into the treatment room
* been jealous b/c someone else’s chemo was shorter
* you think it’s normal when a stranger draws on you with marker
* you’ve made “deposits” at a bank other than a federally-insured repository
* you’re waiting for the chair catalog for Club Remission in the mail
* you’re not sure how to address Robert Glen Martin: Robert, Glen, or RGM
* you know how lucky you are to be laughing at this list

Top Twelve Reasons Why Chapped Lips Are Worse Than Cancer

- There is no cure for chapped lips
- When you tell the doctor your symptoms, he laughs, shrugs and says, “Sucks, doesn’t it?”
- No amount of redi-cat will diagnose chapped lips with a CT Scan
- HMOs will most likely deny all treatments for chapped lips
- Blistex is not covered by your prescription drug plan
- Carmax only comes in one convenient dose
- There are no 3rd generation drugs to relieve the side effects of Chapstick
- You can’t ask your employer for time off to heal from your chapped lips
- There is no mailing list for chapped lip sufferers
- Marijuana does not relieve the side effects of chapped lips (so I’m told
- Soliciting donations for the American Chapped Lip Society (ACLS) will get the door slammed in your face
- Saying you’re a “Chapped Lip Survivor” won’t get you phone numbers in a bar

Things NOT to do during chemotherapy

- Watch the Spice Girls movie
- Bring a bag of “home grown” for the “side effects”
- Wear the same pair of underwear every time for good luck
- Play “hide the vein”
- Ask for a drip of Jack Daniels to ease your nerves
- Three words: Hurling for distance
- Squeeze the IV bag to make things go quicker
- Continuously announce each “Drip, Drip, Drip…”
- Use the IV poll as a skateboard
- Arm wrestle
- Ask for more of the red cool aid (Adriamycin is red)
- Sing all of Bert Bacarat’s hits
- Make sounds like a race car while increasing the drip rate

A quick update

Well, I thought I’d finally do some updating in case anyone was wondering if I was still alive. I was thining it’s pathetic that I’ve only done two journals this year, but I guess it just goes to show that this isn’t the main focus
in my life right now. So where to begin…
I guess I should begin with all the nonsense with my follow-up CT Scans. Needless to say after the first CT Scan came back questionable, things weren’t happy. That,
coupled with some other stress in my life (traffic tickets), and not feeling well, made for a not-so-fun time in my life. When the repeat CT Scan came back stable and I fought my tickets in court, things began to look up.
Jump ahead
to this month, and I’ve had another CT Scan at the beginning of July. This one, thankfully, came back as stable… A residual amount of scar tissue is present, but that’s to be expected given the nature of the cancer I
had. It’s probably what they’d been looking at all along. It was a long time coming to get a “positive” scan back, so I was definitely relieved.
Also, I’m finally feeling physically better. I’d say in the beginning of
May, I finally woke up and felt well for the first time since all this started. No aches, pains, tiredness. I stopped carrying around Tylenol in my pocket. I KNEW it was time to start exercising again and that my body
could finally handle it. I no longer had shooting pains down my legs (which I think was a mild case of L’Hermmittes). So I’ve been feeling well for a few months now. That’s a long time coming too.
The other thing I’ve
been working on in my recovery is the mental side. I’ve always had my mailing list to support me, but I finally went to get some personal help in dealing with everything. It’s not uncommon to feel effects similar to Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder after cancer like this. I’m glad I went to get help, and my progress has been great. Along with that I got the chance to meet a large group from the HD Mailing list. It was an incredible
experience that I don’t know that I can even describe. I met people face-to-face for the first time and we were instantly bonded! Plus, to make it even more special, it was on my birthday (May 20).
Anyway… I’ve had
enough writing for now… I can’t promise I’ll update this journal much in the future. I’d like to focus on other aspects of my life now.