She hijacked a busload full of… penguins.
Hello, it’s me, your friendly neighborhood Hodgkins patient. I can’t believe it’s been almost two months since I’ve updated this journal. Oh well, maybe now that chemo is over
and after I’ve recovered a bit, I’ll write more about my new and exciting life. Plus, I’ve been so busy trying to achieve a world-wide peace accord, I just haven’t had the time to write (If you believe that last sentence, send me $25
for a written copy of the peace plan). This journal is going to be a bit jumpy and i’ll probably leave some stuff out b/c I haven’t written in so long.
Well, if you’ve been keeping score at home, you’ll realize that my
scheduled six cycles of chemo is over! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Yippppeee! I’m very happy about chemo being over. I”ve worked very hard to make it to this point (and suffered much, too).
Ironically, the
end to chemo actually is very anti-climactic. I’m beginning to feel the same tension, anxiety and fear that I experienced during the diagnosis phase of this disease. While chemo was no fun (understatement of the year), it was a
regular "event" which I became accustomed to. It’s actually pretty weird how some patterns have emerged for each cycle. For example, I know I’m going to be in bad shape the day of chemo and the day after (I usually
have chemo on Thursday, so Thursday and Friday). Then, the weekend is mostly dealing with the fatigue and mild (compared to Thurs and Fri) nausea. I typically sleep a lot and don’t get around much. Until now, I was back to
work by Monday. But, since the effects are cumulative, I find myself still sleeping most of Monday these days. It’s about this time that the first wave of constipation has set in (fun!). Also, Monday night I start my Neupogen
injections and continue those for 8 days. That means I have night sweats and bone pain to look forward to. By day 8 or so and into the next weekend, I’m coping with a bunch of crap (or in some cases, lack thereof). The second
week I have my last Neupogen injection on Monday night. That means I might feel ok by tuesday or wednesday. Then, bam, time for chemo again on Thursday!
Sounds like fun, huh? That isn’t the half of it… Up
until the past few weeks, I haven’t been thinking about it much. It’s kinda a weird, b/c the only way to get through chemo is to not think too much about it, and concentrate on the positive effects (killing cancer). It’s only
now that I can admit to myself that it was a HORRIBLE F*CKING EXPERIENCE. As you can read from my ranting in the previous paragraph, seldom did I feel that great. But, compared to the alternatives, it was easy. And
considering that I got through it and lived, I’m am SO GRATEFUL. Really, I had no major problems, manageable (although unpleasant) side effects, and, hopefully, no long term complications. Reading some of the stories from my
Hodgkins mailing list, I managed to get by pretty well… no more surgeries, hospitalizations, blood transfusions, etc. Thank God.
I start my Neupogen tomorrow (don’t want to end up in the hospital after i’ve come this
far). In about two weeks I go in for my scans (Gallium and CT) to see how well the chemo has worked. Then, we have to see if I’ll undergo Radiation Therapy for a while to make sure everything is gone. So, even though chemo
is over, treatment may still go on (now do you understand why I have that anxious, fearful feeling again?). Actually, I think I may feel better if I have to undergo Radiation, just to make sure that I”ve done everything I can to beat
this once and for all. If I do undergo Radiation, it’ll probably last about a month and be relatively low-dose (considering this is a complementary therapy). From what I’m told, this will be a walk in the park compared to
chemo. It’s a bit more annoying, since it’ll be every day. Oh well, we’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Plus, this may be my chance to get that tattoo I’ve always wanted (they temporarily
mark your body with tattoos so they can align the machines).
Ok, one more topic before I go… Hair. I haven’t really had much on my head since around the end of May (or anywhere else for that matter).
Well, I’ve stopped shaving my head a week ago and it’s growing in a bit. Actually, looks messier now with the fuzz coming in than when it’s buzzed. It’s very weird how used to not having hair I’ve become (I will never get used
to not having eyebrows… I look like a freak). I haven’t been to a barber shop since April. Frankly, I have NO idea where my hairbrush is… I threw it under the sink a few months ago, because it was of no use to
me. Huge savings on shampoo, though!
Alright, time to go… I’ll write more eventually… Gotta share some of my “Chemo Brain” moments eventually (or “Senior Moments” as the chemo nurse calls them).
