Look at the big brain on Brad!

Look at the big brain on Brad!
OK, so it’s time for another journal entry. Things are going quite well, and I got some good news today. I went to the doctor today to get my blood counts done. THEY’RE NEARLY THE
SAME AS LAST TIME! That’s good news! My white blood count was 4.2 (k)! And, it’s only been 11 days since my last chemo! Last time it took 17 days to get up to 4.2! So, I’m pretty excited. Yes, it’s a
pretty simple thing, but blood counts are really important in this business. I went to get the counts b/c I figured I’d be really low and was wondering how fast they would rise.
Now, I go see the doc on Thursday, and should get my
next chemo (beginning of Cycle 2) on Friday morning. It’s going to mess up my weekend, but maybe I’ll be ready to go back to work by Monday.
I had a really good weekend this weekend. On Friday I talked to an old friend for
almost 2 hours. She made me laugh and that made my day. Then, on Saturday I went to visit with my best friends in Philadelphia. I just needed to get out the house so bad! I was going absolutely stir crazy here.
Getting away for a day really made the difference.
Well, I’m really not going to write that much because I’m tired tonight. Hope everyone reading this is doing well. Smile

So, at least I’ve got that going for me

So, at least I’ve got that going for me…
Well, I’m not feeling especially talkative, so this might not be that long. I had my second chemo last thursday. My counts went up enough for them to give me treatment (4.2
K). This chemo was a bunch different than the first one. First of all, it was a different nurse (actually two of them), and it was much more crowded. No private treatment for me. Actually, when it all began, it was
standing room only! My dad had to wait outside.
They switched things around for this chemo. I was given the two drugs that can cause nausea right at the beginning (the two injections, Adriamycin and Velban). Next up, the
Bleomycin, followed by the Dacarbazine. For the “D” this time, they increased the fluid it was diluted in by double (an extra 250 ml). This made it easier on my veins, and caused me less pain. Of course, it added an hour
to the treatment. This time, it took 3 1/2 hours to administer all the chemo. Again, I was the last to leave and held the nurse up (a habit I’m hoping to break real soon). Also, the increase in fluid meant I had to go to
the bathroom 4 times instead of 2 during the treatment. (these are all details you wanted to know, right?) Also, they alternated arms for the IV this time (this time it was my right one – being a righty, this did pose some
problems for the 4 trips to the restroom). Luckily, this time, I haven’t developed a bruise on my arm from the bleo.
What else… So, my weekend pretty much was uneventful (no Lauren, I don’t consider lunch with you
uneventful, but I’m talking in terms of cancer-related excitement). Having the chemo towards the end of the week did help out a bit, though. At least I didn’t have the pressure to go into work. This made a big difference,
because after the first treatment, I could barely make it through half a day. I could just lounge around the house this weekend, with no work pressure. That made a big difference. I’ll probably have a full week this week
and so far things are going well.
One last topic before I go. This will be a prelude to a journal entry sometime in the future titled, “Damn, baby, what’d you do to your hair?” Yes, I’m losing my hair. But, really it’s
not too bad right now. They were pretty impressed at my second chemo. Mostly it’s falling out in bits and pieces. I still haven’t had “clumps” coming out. In some ways, I wish it would just happen already. This
slow progression is starting to wear thin (pun?). My body hair is thining for sure, but that’s sort of an improvement for me (as my body hair is somewhere between “manly man” and “chewbacca” . As for my head, that’s coming out
as well. I’m guessing it’s as if I were going through several years of thinning in a condensed timeframe. Definitely seeing more skin than I used to. And, towel drying my hair now requires a quick sweep up
afterwards. As soon as it really comes out, I’m gonna shave that. When that is, I don’t know. But for sure, it’s starting to bother me now.
Alright, that’s about it. Let me insert my normal complaining
(chemo-related side effects): I’m tired, can’t sleep, nauseous, constipated, losing my hair, tense and pissed I have cancer. Does everyone feel better now?

Striker, you’re too low dammit, pull up!

Striker, you’re too low dammit, pull up!
Well, I never thought I’d be this disappointed about not getting chemo, but I am. It’s really been a long day and the ultimate goal was not accomplished. I was supposed to get
the second half of the first cycle of ABVD today, but it did not happen.
The first obstacle was that they didn’t have a nurse. We got hit by a big snowstorm and got about 5 inches of snow last night. So already, I was worried
b/c my friend Adam was going to drive up from Philadelphia to take me (my dad is out of town on business). So I was worried about him not being able to make, and worried that the office wasn’t going to be open. I was relieved
when I called this morning and everything was fine. And, I was relieved when he made it to my house in record time (way before my appointment). I was really pissed when they called an hour before the appointment to tell me that
they didn’t have a nurse. I felt really bad about making Adam drive up here for no reason. Surely they could have called earlier (the nurse had a baby-sitting problem).
So, I went to the doctor anyway, because I needed to see
him about some side effects and they wanted to take my blood counts. The side effect in question is a rash on my left arm at the elbow and shoulder which is caused by the Bleomycin. So at least we know what it is and it’s not
bad enough (yet) to do anything about.
Second problem was my blood counts. My white blood count was too low to have chemo anyway. Two weeks ago they were elevated at 12.9K (thousand per microLiter). Today they were
2.7K. The doctor says that it needs to be 3.5 before he does chemo. The plan is to wait until Thursday and see if the counts have improved. If Thursday doesn’t work, then next Monday we’ll try again. So, this is all
very frustrating.
There are a couple of issues with all this. First, some people have told me that they have gotten chemo when there white blood count (WBC) was much lower (in the 1s). Or, I could get a little bit of a lighter
dose (don’t really want that, as I want to KILL the Hodgkin’s). Also, there are shots that can increase the WBC. The doctor wants the counts to go up on there own, and try to avoid artificially increasing the WBC, b/c it’ll just
drop to the floor again after the dose of chemo. Sounds OK to me, but maybe we should reconsider if this is going to be a regular occurence.
I had gotten myself into the “chemo zone” for today. I was mentally prepared and knew
what to expect this week. I was ready. And it didn’t happen. And now I wait. Maybe Thursday, maybe not. Here I am again not knowing what to expect. I’m getting tired of that feeling. I thought I had
some control on my life.
Oh well, guess I can’t worry about that. Just enjoy the fact that I feel well tonight. Spent some quality time (although short) with one of my best friends. And, I ate sushi, which I
wouldn’t have had if I’d been given chemo (unless I wanted to see it in reverse). Oh well, I’ll just try hard to make white blood cells (anyone who knows how to do that, let me know

I’m finally ready to recount my chemo tale

Ok, I haven’t written in a while because there hasn’t been much to write about. This week was mostly uneventful. I feel completely different than I did last week… I feel normal. Maybe a little tired, but for the most
part the side effects have subsided. I’m managing to sleep a bit, but it’s pretty restless. The only real problem is a rash/bruise at my elbow and shoulder on my left side (where I got my chemo). It’s kinda red and
itchy. But, the doc says that it’s nothing and I’m just "weird". Probably a side effect of the Vinblastine or Bleo.
Well, since I didn’t manage to fully describe my chemo experience b/c of all my anxiety, I’d
better do it now. I go back in for another dose on Monday, so the whole process starts again in 72 hours (but who’s counting?). People have been asking me what "chemo" is, b/c they don’t know. So now I’ll let the
secret out (Soon to be the Fox special, "Cancer secrets revealed", the sequel to "Magic Secrets revealed").
My chemotherapy consists solely of intravenous drugs. I’m on a regimen called ABVD, which has 4
drugs. I’m probably going to have 6 cycles of the therapy. Each cycle is 28 days (a month). I get the drugs intravenously (IV) on days 1 and 15 (every two weeks). There are no other pills to take that are
specifically part of the regimen (other regimens require you take pills between IVs). So, I should be on chemotherapy for about 6 months (give or take, depending on the results of my scans around the 4 th cycle and at the end).
I’ll probably have radiation after that.
The chemotherapy is administered in the doctor’s office on an outpatient basis. For my oncoligist (oncodoc), they have a separate room down the hall from the main office. It looks like
a special treatment room, has bright wallpaper, a bathroom. The main chemo area has 3 big comfy recliner chairs with built-in IV poles. There’s also a TV, and a couple of areas for the nurses to prepare the drugs (including a
"hood" like they had in chemistry class). They only have 3 "nice" chairs, but the nurse said that when it gets busy, they can accomodate many (9) people. Not everyone there has a lot of drugs to drip, like me
(2.5 hours last time, but should be shorter next week).
When we were ready to begin (or as ready as I was ever gonna be), the nurse inserted an IV into the top of my left hand (like they do at the hospital. Once the IV is in,
there’s actually no needle in me, and I can move my hand around fine (within reason). Next, they hooked up the IV to a drip of Zofran, which is an anti-nausea medicine. While that was dripping in, the chemo nurse began mixing up
my drugs, all of which were refrigerated, some in liquid form, others in powders that needed to be mixed.
At this point, I felt a little bit nauseous, but that was probably just nerves. The Zofran was a relatively small bag, so it
went quick. Next, I started the actual chemo. First drug up was Bleomycin which was given in a big IV bag of fluids (or maybe it was given and then flushed by fluids, I can’t remember). About half way through the bag, I
started feeling "funny". When I told the nurse this, she asked me to be more specific. Basically, it was a feeling of numbness throughout my body. It was sort of relaxing, and she said that it was the Zofran
working. This was the worst part of it. The chemo drugs started making me sick and the Zofran tried to make me relax. At this point I put on my walkman and listened to a relaxation tape.
I don’t really know how long that
first bag took, but I think before it was done, we began the next drug (they kept adjusting the drip rate depending on whether I was having any pain or not in my arm). Next up was Adriamycin, which is an odd drug because it looks like
red Cool-Aid. This is the one that made me pee red also (again, not blood, just a side effect of the drug). This was an injection into the IV. As the nurse explained it, she would push some of the drug into the IV, then
draw out some blood to make sure it was going into the vein. Apparently, the drugs can cause some damage if they don’t go into the vein (they cause damage to the vein anyway). It suddenly clicked that when they portray drugs in
the movies, they often show them pulling a little blood into the syringe (Pulp Fiction?) for this reason (make sure they’re in a vein). The things you learn!
Next up on the menu… Vinblastine. This was another injection
into the IV, but this time it was a clear liquid. I can’t remember how long the two injections took, but I remember the nurse sitting next to my chair for a while doing this. She was going very slowly so that I was not
uncomfortable. Finally, the last drug was the Dacarbazine. This was a big bag of IV liquids. This bag took a while to drip through, because we had to constantly adjust the flow rate. If it was dripping too fast, I
would get nauseaus. The nurse was very accomodating through all of this. That’s why it took 2 1/2 hours!
Other details… Yes, you can get up and walk around a bit while this is all going on (I had to use the rest room
twice… all those fluids). I watched Innerspace while all this was going on. Kind of ironic that it was on Comedy Central, b/c it’s about a man in a space ship traveling around the body. I sucked on lemon drops throughout
the treatment b/c I had a dry throat. The nausea didn’t really hit until later that night. I had dinner after the treatement (I hadn’t eaten much in almost 8 hours). Nothing fancy, just some eggs. My tongue felt like
leather after the treatment and I was light headed.
Well, I think that pretty much covers most of it. Overall, it’s not a painful (physically) experience. The mental side of it definitely screwed me up for a few days. It
really sucks when weird sh*t is happening in your body, and I really didn’t like it. The side effects come and go. They’re weird. For instance, all of a sudden I’d get an incredible pain in my tooth and then it’d go
away. I felt like I had the flu for the first couple of days. And, pretty much everything tingles. That’s how I know my hair’s going to come out soon. My scalp was tingling for days after the chemo. If not
after Monday’s treatment, definitely the next one, it’s gonna be Hasta la vista to the hair. So far, I’ve noticed body hair thinning out. As far as my head, I got a haircut on Monday. It was getting long, and I figured it
would be easier if it were short when it falls out. It will probably be my last hair cut for a very long time (think of the savings . I went and bought a simple baseball cap yesterday that I can wear to work. I’m kinda
excited in a weird way about my hair falling out. I think of it as a "right of passage" for my cancer journey. Like a young boy getting his first hint of hair… except in reverse
Alright, I’ve had enough for one
day. I have a busy weekend ahead of me. Lots of plans, and I have to do my taxes Have a good weekend. 72 hours until next treatment!

Random movie quote with or without relevance…

Random movie quote with or without relevance…
OK, I’m still alive and kicking. It definitely has been one hell of a week. Monday was no fun. Between the actual chemo and the anticipation of it, I’d say it was
one of the hardest days of my life. I don’t even know what I said in the other journal entry this week, but I for sure was in a bad place. The anxiety of the last week is really overwhelming. The chemo definitely sucked,
but I think I’m over the hump now. Most of the weird side effects have subsided. By weird, I mean tingling in hands & feet, itching on the palms and soles (a fun experience), the weird tingling in my hair and all over my
body (the hair’s still there, but I just know not for long), the nausea (which comes and goes… but so far I’m winning that one, if you know what I mean) and the exhaustion. The exhaustion is the hardest part. I made it through
a half day on Wednesday, worked from home on Thursday, and had to leave early on Friday. Wednesday and Friday, I came home from work and just slept for about 3 hours straight. Wow!
((( Warning the next paragraph will contain
at least some discussion of my intestinal system, viewer discretion is advised ))) Well, I knew it would happen, and I have the big “C”. No, not Cancer, I already knew I had that. No, this big C is Constipation.
“Mom, do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?” This isn’t a great topic for a journal, I know, but it’s definitely on my mind. Basically, because nothing’s happening! I’m all corked up! Can’t pop my top!
(Can’t think of any more euphemism type sayings right now). Hopefully some OTC (over-the-counter) stuff I took will get things rolling again (pun WAS intended). This is one of those side effects that no one wants to talk
about. Except, of course, me.
So, I pampered myself yesterday and got in touch with my feminine side. I had a swedish massage at a European day spa yesterday. Boy was it worth it! I was wound up tighter than a top
(or my bowels for that matter). Definitely relaxed me a bunch! Glad I did it and I think I’ll have to start going more often.
Unfortunately, I was so relaxed I couldn’t sleep last night. Go figure! And, this
was my chance to sleep in late! I hope I can sleep tonight, b/c I’m exhausted.
OK, I’m getting random now, so it’s going to be time to move on. Final topic is Linux. It’s in the news, cool, and not Microsoft (I work for
a computer company, you knew I had to talk about geek shit at some point). The problem is that you can’t set up a modem if you have cancer. Must be the only explanation. Once the modem is up, I can really do some cool
stuff and say goodbye to Microsoft (except for the things I’m dependent on it for, like quicken, tax cut and netobjects fusion… oh well).

Alright, enough. I wrote. I didn’t have an anxiety attack. All is as well as can be expected.

Is that you honey? For a while I thought the care bears were here.

Ok, so I had started writing this yesterday, but had to stop b/c I was in the middle of an anxiety attack and just had to get off the computer and relax. No doubt the last two days have been pretty trying on me. Excuse any
weirdness in this writing, but I’ve been injected with poison, at luckily, at this time, I am only seeing one screen, which is an improvement over a few hours ago.
So, first things first, yes I made it through my first chemo.
The whole process took 2 1/2 hours. Luckily, I was the only patient being given treatment, and I had the undivided attention of the chemo nurse. She was so helpful and talked to me the whole time, which made the process go so
much faster. It took quite a long time because I was a nervous wreck (gee, I can’t imagine why?). First, they gave me Zofran to combat the nausea that would be coming up. Then Bleo, Adriamycin, Vinblastine, and
Dacarbazine. The Bleo was a push with a flush of saline to follow it up. The Adria was a red liquid which they pushed into the IV. It made me pee red (which it was supposed to). The vinblastine was another push, of a
clear liquid this time. Finally the dacarbazine was a big IV bag of the drug and saline.
OK, enough of those details… just writing about them is giving me an anxiety attack. So, afterwards, I had dinner and then got my
prescriptions filled for anti-nausea drugs. Which I needed that night. Luckily, I won the fight and was able to control the nausea. I managed a somewhat restful nights sleep (only a bit of chills). And started the
next day.
I took tuesday off from work so that I could rest. Which no doubt was a good idea, since I did manage to sleep a good part of the day. The only real ill effects were the tiredness. Which was substantial.

I can’t write anymore b/c I’m having an anxiety attack writing this. More when I can…

Not now, I’ll tell you when (a few hours before treatment)… UPDATED 10 PM… I made it!

Just another normal day in paradise…
OK, so I’m sitting here in my office with the countdown clock running… T minus 5 hours until chemo. Just another normal day… not! Sleeping last night was very
interesting. I can’t be certain that I slept, but it was usually 30 minutes to an hour between glances to the alarm clock. Had to change clothes in the middle of the night again. Can’t wait until that stops (hopefully in a
few days). At about 6:45, I gave up and got out of bed (my alarm was set for 7:30). For the most part, I feel ok this morning. Today is a good day to fight…
As if I didn’t have enough on my mind already, I’ve had
insurance problems already today. Since my carrier went under last month, my new insurance should have become effective today (March 1). I haven’t received any id cards or anything in the mail, which I anticipated might happen,
so I called the new company to get my id number. Of course, they’ve never heard of me and I’m not in the computer. Uh-oh! Hello people! I start chemo today! I kinda need some insurance, don’t ya think? I
talked to my company HR people who are really good about getting these things straightened out. Something about the tape not being sent over or something… Do I need this aggravation? Today is chemo day! I’m going
to voluntarily sit in a chair while a nurse smiles while injecting poison into my body! Do I care that they temporarily monitor calls for quality assurance? F&%$ no! Ok, deep breathe. Just another day…
So,
I’m working a half day today, so that I don’t go crazy at home waiting around. Instead, I get to go crazy in my office… But, at least I have a fast internet connection (and that’s what REALLY important, isn’t it?). I’ll
go home after lunch and get some things together and relax. I have no idea what I want to watch or listen to during the treatment, so I’m bringing a walkman, discman and some videos. Question is, what video to watch?
Airplane, because I know all the lines and it still makes me laugh? Or maybe something really violent where a lot of things get shot, just like the chemo attacking the cancer cells? Definitely nothing depressing or
emotional. Also, I don’t think adult films will go over too well (just a hunch, though some office (i.e., the sperm bank) are kind enough to provide these for you).
My mind is just aflutter today… I’ve got big plans for some
new pages coming up. I got the full report on my "deposits" at the sperm bank last week. I think that deserves it’s own page with color graphs, etc… I have reports on counts, volume, motility and everything
else no one ever wanted to know about my little men. I really am amused by the whole situation… Also, I started a top ten list of things not to do during chemo. I only got to 6 or 7, but I think I’ll probably be inspired
later this afternoon to add some more.
Well, for some one who hates to write (especially with a pen and paper), I’m impressed how much I’ve rambled on in just 15 minutes. I guess I can be expressive if I can type things out.

Alright (incidentally, I don’t think "alright" is a proper word in the english language, but I like to use it a lot), I’m gonna go now. Wish me luck. NO big deal. Holy shit!

UPDATE!!! 10 PM TONIGHT I MADE IT!!!
One down, 5 1/2 to go! I’ll write more tomorrow. Needless to say, I walked in and I walked out. I survived, and I feel as best as can be expected tonight.
Thank god I’ve got one under my belt. The next will be easier. Today was a good day to start a war!